I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
