my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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