I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
