How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
