You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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