Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
