Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize