Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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