I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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