September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
