This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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