God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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