they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
