I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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