I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
COCAINE IS GR8
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
