just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
