i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
