we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
