I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
