so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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