Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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