Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
