so let's talk penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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