look no pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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