I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
