Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
