How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
