idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
