Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So vagazzling was a success
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