just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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