come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
