she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
