We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
