This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think my moral compass just broke
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