he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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