dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im six kinds of drunk right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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