You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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