Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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