i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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