you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
