Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
