they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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