I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we're so committed to being not committed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
