Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
