I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
