you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
