She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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