i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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