Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
