you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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