Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
