I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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