Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
