i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
