i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
