hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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