I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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