I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
