i permit you to call me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
